


lost in the thrill of it all

by flow3rs



Series: lost but not found [1]
Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, F/M, Guilty Pleasures, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Unhealthy Relationships, why isnt there a toxic relationship tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:26:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25386784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flow3rs/pseuds/flow3rs
Summary: Ricky finally had everything he wanted. He finished opening night on a high note. He gained lifelong friends. And, most importantly, he got the girl.That was why he auditioned for the musical in the first place, right?
Relationships: Ricky Bowen/E.J. Caswell, Ricky Bowen/Nini Salazar-Roberts
Series: lost but not found [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1838596
Comments: 19
Kudos: 47





	lost in the thrill of it all

**Author's Note:**

> wait a second...this isnt a sky high au or the intentions series...where am i...
> 
> heres a random idea for a fic that has been swimming around my head for a while, i hope you dont get too mad at me for this lmao. this is will be one of three in a series.
> 
> title from 'lost' by frank ocean

Ricky finally had everything he wanted.

He finished opening night on a high note.

He gained lifelong friends.

And, most importantly, he got the girl.

That was why he auditioned for the musical in the first place, right?

He had held Nini close to him by the waist as the red and white confetti sprinkled around them, excitement buzzing in the room as they celebrated their opening night. He placed a hand on her chin and kissed her deeply after confessing his undying love for her, not wanting to separate even for a moment. He held the dog tag she’d given him, “ _ To freaky callback boy” _ inscribed in the metal, in his hands for dear life, never wanting to lose it. Never wanting to lose her.

But he should’ve figured he lost her the first time he kissed EJ Caswell.

He remembers the day he lost her very clearly.

It was Thanksgiving break and Ashlyn had thrown a small party for the cast. They played stupid games, ate turkey shaped cupcakes, laughed like idiots. EJ and him had been forced to do Sharpay and Ryan’s ridiculous exercise without laughing and they (obviously) failed.

At that point, they didn’t really have a reason to hate each other. Nini had broken up with the older boy and Ricky didn’t realize that he’d stopped trying to impress her at rehearsals. He and EJ were friendly, sometimes going to get food with each other before rehearsals. They had gotten to know each other more since spending more time together and since they didn’t have Nini in between them.

After laughing their asses off over how stupid they looked blowing raspberries at each other, the two of them stumbled into the kitchen to grab some drinks while everyone continued playing.

“Jesus, Bowen, you should’ve seen how stupid you looked out there,” EJ chuckled, popping pretzels into his mouth as he stood across from Ricky with a goofy smile on his face.

Ricky leaned against the counter, an easy smile on his lips as he quipped back, “What? Like you looked any better?”

“ _ Please _ , we both know I look better than you in literally  _ all _ situations.”

“Being hot does not equate to being  _ better _ ,” Ricky blurted out before freezing.

EJ narrowed his eyes as a smirk began to grow on his face. The older boy took a step closer to him. “Oh, so you think I’m hot?”

Ricky rolled his eyes dismissively as he scoffed, “C’mon, you know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then how’d you mean it?” the senior teased, looking up at Ricky through his lashes and taking another step towards him.

Ricky was  _ not _ going to let EJ win at... _ whatever _ this was. They may not have hated each other anymore but that didn’t mean EJ needed to have the upper hand. He was the one to take a step forward this time, the distance between them becoming ever smaller.

“Well, I guess maybe I did  _ kind of _ mean it like that,” he said innocently, pulling at his bottom lip with his teeth. He didn’t miss the way EJ’s eyes followed the movement. “Objectively...you’ve got a nice face, nice eyes, nice... _ lips _ .”

EJ’s cocky smirk had dropped from his face, a darker look replacing it as his eyes narrowed.

“Now don’t tell me you’ve been sneaking glances at  _ my _ lips this whole time. And here I thought you were trying to steal Nini from  _ me _ , not the other way around,” he whispered, their faces now so close that their breaths were mingling.

Ricky’s pulse had skyrocketed in the last few seconds and he was starting to question what the purpose of their little game even was, what his prize was going to be if he won. He felt a warm hand place itself on his waist and figured he was probably going to find out soon enough.

“I mean, when I saw you shirtless after hitting you in the face with a basketball, how could I not want to steal you from her?” Ricky said quietly as their noses brushed. His tone said he was joking, but the way his eyes roamed EJ’s face said he was 100% serious.

“Well, you’re in luck: me and Nini aren’t together anymore.”

And EJ closed the distance between them, crashing their lips together. There was no hesitation between them; Ricky moved against him immediately, grabbing onto the back of the older boy’s neck as EJ wrapped his arms around him, hands roaming up and down his back and pulling them flush against each other.

Ricky didn’t wait for permission before sticking his tongue in EJ’s mouth roughly, the other boy humming in approval as he wrapped his lips around it and  _ fuck _ , it had been so long since Ricky had done this with anyone; it had been so long since anyone kissed him like  _ this _ .

They continued making out in Ashlyn’s kitchen for what felt like hours, only separating occasionally to catch their breaths or move their heads in different directions when a voice called out to them from the living room.

“Are y’all fuckin’ done getting your drinks in there!?” Carlos shouted, sitting on the floor and shuffling his game cards. “We want to start a new round and it seems like y’all are moving at a glacial  _ motherfucking _ pace!”

The two of them separated quickly, lips still swollen and breath coming out erratically as they stared at each other with wide eyes.

EJ, who was apparently more intelligently inclined in the moment, had enough mind to answer Carlos, his voice sounding perfectly leveled but his blown pupils betraying him, “Yeah, we’ll be right out! Just gotta finish binge eating all the pretzels!”

“I told you to save some for me, asshole!” Ashlyn yelled, but stayed in her place as Carlos began to facilitate the next round.

Ricky and EJ continued staring at each other, eyes searching each other’s faces as if they would hold the answers to all the questions swimming through their minds. With one final once over, EJ gave him a nod and walked back into the living room without another word, leaving Ricky wondering what the fuck just happened and why he liked it so much.

Then, it just kept happening.

After rehearsals, making out in the backseat of EJ’s obnoxious white BMW with EJ on top of him as they rutted against each other like rabbits until they both came in their pants.

During tech week, sneaking off into the corridors of the old theatre. EJ reaching a hand down Ricky’s jeans and stroking him hard and fast, his other hand over Ricky’s mouth to muffle his moans.

The day before opening night, their final rehearsal. Ricky grabbing EJ by the wrist and leading him into the janitor’s closet. Getting down on his knees while the older boy reached down to get a fistful of curly brown hair.

It kept happening.

But at the same time, Nini was getting comfortable with him again.

He saw the way she started looking at him as they sang together, the same hearts in her eyes that she had when she posted that video of her singing to tell him that she loved him.

Ricky didn’t reciprocate those heart eyes when she said it the first time. He didn’t reciprocate them now.

But he joined the musical for her. To get her back. So if he didn’t, what was the point?

“I don’t want this to just be a showmance. Really,” he had said to her, her smile growing more and more genuine and her eyes sparkling. “I want it to be the real thing. I mean, I think it is the real thing. I just...I want a chance to prove it.”

And Nini had ate it up, grabbing his face in her hands and pulling him in for a passionate kiss. And it was perfect. It was all he ever wanted. It was what he’d been waiting for this whole time.

She’d kissed him once more then left to say hi to her moms, leaving him a bashful mess, stupid smile never leavhing his face as he walked around the empty dressing room collecting his stuff. His back was to the door as he zipped his bag up, so he didn’t notice anyone walking in until a voice spoke up, making him turn around quickly.

“So, is it true? You and princess Nini mashed mouths and got back together?” EJ said, his tone bored.

“I mean. Yeah. I guess,” Ricky replied, scratching the back of his neck. The air in the room suddenly felt a lot more uncomfortable than it was just minutes ago.

EJ walked closer to him, his steps slow and predatory and Ricky felt goosebumps spread over every part of his body as the senior stood across from him, eyes boring into his soul.

Ricky stood frozen in place as EJ leaned forward, lips brushing his ear as he whispered, “Did you tell her that that mouth of yours was choking on my dick just last night?”

He gulped.

“Did you tell her that that pretty little mouth was screaming my name as I fingered you in the backseat of my car on Friday?”

The hair on the back of RIcky's neck stood up.

“Did you tell her that the tongue that licked into her mouth just a few minutes ago was lapping up my cum in the janitor’s closet not  _ twenty four _ hours ago?”

Ricky closed his eyes, jaw clenched tight as EJ pulled back, a casual expression on his face.

“Just sayin’.”

And with that, EJ turned on his heel, leaving Ricky in the dressing room alone once again.

He tried not to think about it; tried not to think too hard about what EJ’s words meant. He had a sneaking suspicion, however, that EJ wasn’t done with him just because he was back with Nini.

He liked being back with Nini. He liked putting an arm around her as they watched a movie in her living room; liked seeing her face light up when he would boop her nose with a flour covered finger as they baked cookies together; liked peppering kisses all over her cheeks when she’d play him a new song she wrote.

Everything with Nini was innocent and sweet and heartfelt and full of love. And he liked it.

But it wasn’t enough.

It wasn’t enough to gently push her down onto the bed as they kissed, touches full of hesitation and inexperience. It wasn’t enough to be soft and slow and careful. It wasn’t enough to whisper sweet nothing into her smooth skin.

There was an itch under his skin that being with Nini couldn’t quite reach; something deep down that he didn’t want to acknowledge just yet in fear of what it might mean.

Until one night, he went to a party.

He was bored, it was a Saturday, Big Red was busy with family and Nini was out of state with her moms.

So he did the only logical thing a teenager with no plans would do: raided his dad’s liquor cabinet, scoured his socials for any parties happening that night, and rode his skateboard to the addy before he got too tipsy on his dad’s whiskey.

So there he was, the third red solo cup of the night full of who knows what mix of liquid and bouncing his head to the music as he leaned against the wall. His eyes scanned the room, crowded with hands in the air and bodies grinding against each other.

He was looking for someone, but he wasn’t in the right state of mind to admit who.

“If they ever do a remake of  _ The Perks of Being a Wallflower _ , you should audition for Charlie. I think you’d fit the role well considering you’re standing here alone brooding at a party.”

Ricky turned to find the person he was looking for, enticing green eyes staring him down over a can of White Claw.

“Only if Nini plays Sam,” he replied easily, taking a sip from his cup. His head was beginning to feel contently buzzed.

EJ scoffed, “Where’s princess Nini, anyway?”

“She’s on a weekend trip with her moms.” 

“So you’re here alone?”

Ricky stared off into the party, not looking at anything in particular.

“Yeah.”

“Wanna go somewhere?” EJ said, lowering his voice.

Ricky looked at him, all tan skin and broad shoulders. He loved those shoulders.

“Okay,” he decided simply, before following as the older boy led him wordlessly around the house.

He chuckled as EJ opened the door to the bathroom and gestured him inside. “Seriously?”

“Hey, it’s a nice bathroom,” the senior shrugged, locking the door behind them.

Ricky pretended to care what the bathroom looked like, walking in a circle absentmindedly before facing EJ once more. They stood in tense silence before the older boy walked toward him slowly.

“What are you doing here, Ricky?” EJ asked quietly, but it came out like a statement.

“I came here for a party,” Ricky mumbled, looking away when the senior held eye contact with him.

“Cut the bullshit,” EJ cut off, taking another step closer to Ricky, invading his personal space. “Why did you come into this bathroom with me?”

“I have a girlfriend.”

“ _ And? _ ”

Ricky’s jay clenched, always too stubborn to admit what he wanted. “I’m bored,” he muttered.

“Bored? Of what? Your picture perfect relationship? The one you fought so desperately for, fought  _ me _ so desperately for? The one you claimed to have wanted back so badly?”

“Fuck you,” he spat back, anger boiling in his throat.

EJ grabbed him by the hips roughly and turned him around so that they were back to front, facing their reflections in the mirror above the sink. Ricky shut his eyes tight, too prideful to see himself submit to whatever EJ was about to do to him.

“Do you remember Heather Calloway?” the senior sighed into the soft skin of his neck, teeth scratching the surface of his pulse lightly.

Ricky shook his head.

“She graduated last year. Head cheerleader. Valedictorian. Bottle blonde with big tits.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Ricky gritted out as EJ bit his ear lobe.

The older boy chuckled cruelly, “I fucked her last week. But she was horrible. Kept moaning like some overpaid pornstar. So I bent her over and covered her mouth with my hand and pretended it was you. And I pounded into her so _ fucking _ hard and she  _ ate it up _ . Fucking loved it. But the whole time I was wishing it was your hole that I was wrecking.”   
  


Ricky gasped at the older boy’s words as EJ’s hands migrated to the waistband of his jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping slowly.

A hand pressed against his back, pushing him forward gently and bending him over the sink.

Ricky kept his eyes shut.

“I fucked her in the bathroom, over the sink.”

He felt his jeans and boxers get shoved down; felt strong, large hands pinch the skin on his hip and grip his waist possessively.

EJ dug his fingers into Ricky’s pale skin. “Do you know whose house this is, Ricky?” he whispered.

“No,” he replied, voice cracking.

“ _ Heather Calloway’s.” _

And EJ held him tight; he was rough and hard and controlling and mean. He was aggressive with no hesitation, no shame, not a care in the world. He drilled into Ricky like they were born for it; one hand arching Ricky’s back and the other wrapped around his throat. He didn’t come to bake cookies with Ricky or watch Disney movies or sing love songs to each other.

He was everything that Nini was not.

And Ricky loved it.

EJ drove him home in his beemer, not trusting the younger to skate home drunk. ( _ “I just know you’re gonna crash into a fucking tree or something.” _ ) Ricky didn’t thank him as he left the car and EJ didn’t wait to see if he got inside.

Ricky stumbled into his bed, legs still shaky and knees still weak from what EJ did to him. He didn’t bother changing out of his clothes or brushing his teeth or washing his face. He just stared at the ceiling, the deafening silence in his house only interrupted by the erratic beating of his heart.

He didn’t feel guilty.

He wanted to feel guilty so bad. Knew how hurt Nini would be if she found out. Knew how many nights she would cry; how many songs she would write.

He had almost fallen asleep thinking of rough hands on his skin and purple bruises on his hips when he heard the faint ringing of his phone in his pocket.

He wasn’t surprised to see who was calling, but that didn’t make him want to answer it any more than before.

Ricky pressed the accept button and brought the phone to his ear. “Hi, Ninz. Why are you calling so late?”

“My moms are finally sleeping so this was the only alone time I could get to call you,” he whispered, and he could hear the smile in her voice. “I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

“No, you’re good,” he said gently, staring blankly at his ceiling.

“Okay. How are you? What’d you do tonight since I wasn’t around?”

He thought of broad shoulders. A can of White Claw. White knuckles gripping the bathroom sink. A hand around his neck.

“Nothing much,” he lied easily. “I went to a party. I hung out with EJ actually. He didn’t try to kill me so that was nice.”

She laughed. It didn’t have the same ring to him that it had a few months ago. “I’m glad you guys are actually getting along. I always knew you two were a lot more similar than you thought.”

“Yeah, we are. Aren’t we?”

He didn’t feel guilty.

Maybe he didn’t actually lose Nini at all.

He was beginning to think that he was really losing himself.

**Author's Note:**

> i know nini's not my favorite character but she definitely doesnt deserve this LMAO oops
> 
> playlist based on this fic:  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5ouBlUqKte2PzZf6F7LaCH?si=PyefwARWTei72frSSmCFDw


End file.
